Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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