Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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