I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
