Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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