AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
