I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
