is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
