Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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