Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
