I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I yelled at your uterus for you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
