his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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