god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
