If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
