How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I touched a dick in church today
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