I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
