Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
