I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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