If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
