just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize