Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
