Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
