Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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