How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
