Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
