Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
