im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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