what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
