You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
