She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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