I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
