Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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