I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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