Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
