I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
