Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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