I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
