why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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