Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
