I'm going to jail i love you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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