It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
