these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
