I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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