How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize