I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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