the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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