we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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