alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
