i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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