He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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