she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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