Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize