Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
