I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
