I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize