i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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