i will never coherently bang her
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize