so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
