Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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