the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
