I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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