I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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