why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
