It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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