I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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