Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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