I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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