I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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