Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
