Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
