they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
