I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
