OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
