i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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