I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
