Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
