I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
