So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
