my phone needs a breathalizer
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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