i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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