I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
In America we eat man semen.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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