I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
