Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize