mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Acid is not a monday night drug
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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