i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They took my balls.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
