Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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