My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
